Ed
and Tera Hattaway
Video
Interview
Part
Two
January
23, 2001
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Transcript
of Part Two
Ed: And then one day, I was riding with a friend of
mine, we were just eating lunch. And I could tell he was having
a hard time telling me this because he had been part of the
Church, too. He said, "Ed, you know, there's something
you really need to see. I got some information. It came from
the Internet about the Church of Scientology and I think that
this is really important for you to read." And it was
amazing that when he said that, my feeling and my communication
to him was, "You know, I really don't want to see that."
Now, isn't that interesting? He had information that he felt
was important for me to see. And he felt it was truthful but
I was of the mindset that I can't look at anything that might
be something that might even attempt to change my mind about
what I was doing.
Tera: And this is despite the challenges we were having with
the Church.
Ed: Yeah. I mean, we were attacked!
Tera: And still we were
we went into hock for him to
do the L's, which he had absolutely no case gain on. He actually
got worse. And
to the tune of $50,000!
Ed: Yeah. That was my new life.
Tera: Yeah. This was his new life and then
Ed: I want my old life back! (laughs)
Tera: And then I was actually removed from course on my,
I was on Level 1. So, because I was connected, I had
basically
the guy on the multilevel marketing was not in charge of it.
He was in our up line. He was not the owner of this business.
He was a sponsor, twelve levels above us.
Ed: But she got basically body routed.
Tera: I got body routed out of the course room and told that
I need to disconnect from this guy who I don't even talk to
personally. He's just in our up line because he is apparently
suppressive. He has never even been in the Church. And then,
you know, then we're being labeled enemies because we are
in this multilevel marketing group and we are still loyal
to the Church. Now, that's pretty bizarre.
Ed: Yeah.
Tera: Here, we're still not willing to take a look that there
might be possibly something that we do need to look at. And
that is even despite the fact that we would observe out point
after out point after out point and violations of policies
that would be violated by management or staff members. And
it would be rationalized continuously in my head even as a
staff member.
Ed: But, you know, we kind of got ahead of ourselves. We
should just make it clear what actually occurred in our lives
as a result of all of this: going into hock, and me getting
my new life and my stable OT abilities. We began to fall behind
on our bills. Now, this is in early 1995. I got off the L's,
I think it was September of '94. And just shortly thereafter,
we began to fall behind on our bills and behind on our rent.
Tera: Six months.
Ed: We were six months behind on our bills in early 1995.
We fell behind on our mortgage six months. We, you know, I
wasn't actually handling the bills because it was too enturbulating.
I wanted to stay in the practice and Tera was the one who
took all the phone calls, put the
stayed the creditors
off, held them off, you know, threw a bone now and then to
kind of keep them off our backs. And I remember when things
started to really come apart for us and that
Tera: Let me explain something. This is to give you some
specific examples of the stress level. There would be times,
we'll just see a flash of, like, headlights. There was one
evening, headlights drove up our driveway and it was only
to drive up and back out and go the other direction. But Ed
hops up, panics, thinking it's the water man or the gas man
to turn it off because we were so behind on the bills. I had
this guy knock on our door at midnight, we're already in bed
Ed: Sunday night, yes.
Tera: Sunday night at midnight knocking on my door to take
my van away. Or, to pay right then and there.
Ed: Now, I'm a chiropractor (laughs) so
Tera: Right. And then, Ed goes to the office one morning
only to find this gentleman from the IRS putting locks and
chains on his door. And so, I mean, there were some very hairy
moments of stress and then, I took all the bills, which I
had never handled before, to try and keep all the enturbulation
off his plate so that he could put his focus and attention
on production and making things go. And so, now all this enturbulation
is on me trying to handle the screaming creditors, the threats
Ed: Well, during that time, we were three years behind, actually.
We had gotten so behind-this is further up the track-on our
taxes as a result of Scientology donations that we had liens
on our bank accounts. We had a lien on our house. And we had
to make a decision about how are we going to live. How are
we going to do this? Really, bankruptcy for us was not an
option that we wanted to take. We talked to many, many different
attorneys about this and I just didn't feel like we needed
to do that. We did need to, technically speaking, but that
we could really live with that and doing that to the people
who had trusted us with their money. So, what we did as a
solution for this was, I said, "Tera, we just can't keep
the house." You know, here we had this house. We had
equity in it. But we did have equity, we borrowed against
it so it was all leveraged out. And I said, "You know,
we're going to have to lose the house. We're just going to
have to leave. We can't stay here. We've got to just regroup."
All the equipment that I had previously paid for and that
I borrowed against, I had to lose all the equipment. We actually,
within one week's time, moved my office, had our equipment
repo-ed, lost our house and moved into a Suburban Inn with
our three children and one of them was just an infant. He
had just been born. And you know, we had our bank accounts
levied by the IRS, which I managed to get us out of that somehow.
And maybe that was the OT ability, I talked to the IRS agent
and she took the pressure off. That was what I got from L-12.
Tera: (Laughing) And the Prosperity Rundown.
Ed: Yeah, and the Prosperity Rundown. So, here we were, penniless.
And we were living in a Suburban Inn with our children and
I am this chiropractor in town. I had to make an arrangement
with a friend of mine who was in town, same town as me, to
go in to his office and we managed to work this out. And I
went in and started practicing in his office the very next
day. I couldn't afford to miss one day of production.
Tera: Yeah.
Ed: Because we were, at times, hard pressed to afford to
eat during that period of time
Tera: Yeah.
Ed:
to put gas in our cars. We were wearing clothes
that were four and five years old. Our children, we're buying
their clothes at Goodwill. I had a $2.00 blazer that my wife
bought me so I could look good when I was out speaking about
the benefits of chiropractic. So, we
Tera: Another thing that is interesting and I'm sure there's
going to be
maybe there's going to be some Scientologists
watching this video right now. And I know that the viewpoint
is
and we've had this idea, this feeling
that something
is wrong with us. We would never look at the idea or the fact
that it could be possibly be an inkling that something is
wrong with the Church or the way that they are delivering
the technology. Or maybe there's an alteration in what the
tech used to be. But we would always introvert and look, well,
we've got all these overts or we're just bad or, you know?
Of course, you were the introvert on what's wrong with me?
And we did do that because generally, when you are a good
person, you do that. And so, we were totally, at that point
in time, going through all that, we were still trying to make
the Church right.
Ed: Yeah. And
Tera: And that's wrong!
Ed: Right. And that's the way it worked. That's what we did.
That was how we operated because we certainly didn't want
to be a victim. I mean, you know, nobody wants to be a victim.
But we had not acknowledged that, you know, we had been truly
we
had been victimized by this suppressive element in our lives
that was taking all of our money, all of our time, all of
our attention and putting us in a position where we were running
that on our customers and our clients just to survive. But
anyway, what happened as a result, we moved out of the Suburban
Lodge and we had to move in with my parents. We couldn't afford
to stay outside and pay rent anywhere. We couldn't afford
anything. We were so far behind. So we moved in with my parents.
Now, here I was a 35 year old doctor who had been in practice,
at that time, for eight years. And I'm living with my parents
again. So, you can imagine
Tera: With his family.
Ed: Yeah. With my wife and my three children. We had discussed
buying a mobile home and living in a mobile home trailer in
a trailer park. My dad said, "Well, hey, why don't you
build out an apartment in our basement and you guys just stay
here until you can get everything together." Now, they
really didn't know what was going on with us. We had kind
of snowed it over, gave them the old Scientology acceptable
truth that, hey, you know, we just hit some rough times here
and this is just, you know, something that happens in business
Tera: Made bad investments.
Ed:
made bad investments and, yeah, acceptable truth,
you know?
Tera: Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Ed: So, we told them all about that and said, "Can we
just stay here until we get our financial lives together?"
Now that was back in 1997.
Tera: Now, I just want to let you know and experience some
of the stress level of that. Because here we were, living
in their home, sharing the office
he and I slept in the
office room where they have a trundle bed and my three kids
were in it in the bedroom in their home. And of course, I
started working at the office too, to try and help turn things
around. So, I would get up in the morning, try to make breakfast
for my kids. And I can remember being turned around facing
the stove, flipping pancakes as I'm crying. And then I would
wipe my tears, turn around with a smile and serve my pancakes
to the kids.
Ed: We're happy Scientologists! (laughs)
Tera: We're happy. And then I, you know, at any moment, I
had to myself, I was a wreck! But any moment I was among the
family, I had to just smile. And that was so stressful. To
go to work, tend to the kids, clean her house because I felt
like I needed to keep some exchange in. And then at about
at
the time the kids would go down to bed, 8:30, 9:00, we would
go down to the basement and be putting up walls, painting
it
was very stressful! It was a constant having to produce to
keep the family happy, keep my in-laws happy by trying to
keep their home clean because the babysitter I had hired didn't
always keep the place clean. So, I would have to come home,
clean up her house, then do dinner, get the kids into bed,
then go downstairs and paint for several hours and we'd start
again.
Ed: And I know some of you might be saying, "Oh,"
you know, "play the little violins for the poor chiropractor
and his wife who made the stupid decisions." But, you
know, you've got to understand. I mean, we're intelligent
people. We've been around. You know, I went through eight
years of college, you know. And this is not something that
just is a stupid thing to do but it's one of those things
that just was so subtle and insidious that we fell into this
trap. And we lost everything. We literally lost every thing
that we had. And our credit, which was triple AAA, I mean,
plus, plus, plus-we could buy anything we wanted on credit
if we wanted to. And that was gone, I mean, absolutely gone!
We had judgments. I would meet the sheriff on the way out
the driveway with the kids taking them to school. You know,
and here comes the sheriff driving up giving me another judgment
or another, you know, serving me to appear in court. And we
were being sued left and right. The sheriff would come into
the office with patients there and serve me!
Tera: (laughs) That would be embarrassing!
Ed: Well, it happened. It happened several times.
Tera: It was, I know!
Ed: You know, and we kind of got to the point where we had
everybody snowed into thinking, well, you know, "we just
we
had to make some decisions and we decided we wanted to live
in the country." And live out with, you know, while we
built our house. Well, that was five years ago! And we're
sitting in the basement now, still. We still live in my parents'
basement. I'm now, I'm, you know, still trying to get the
practice together. It's going better, believe me, it's taking
time. Things are going better but we're still living in the
basement. We have borrowed furniture. This furniture we're
sitting on
Actually, this furniture we're sitting on
we bought about eight years ago. I have a table, kitchen table,
a dinette set that, when I was in college I actually found
sitting by the dumpster and I said, "Hey, that looks
good." I was in my second year of college. So, I painted
it and hey, that's our dining room table. Now, we've got chairs
that have holes in them that we have pads over that we sit
on at the table to eat. If you lean one way though, (laughs)
they might collapse.
Tera: But the veneer is nice. It looks nice. I painted it
nice. But
Ed: Oh, sure. Oh, we would love to give somebody a tour of
our home here. We've made the best of things. Although I will
say this that it's very, very interesting what happened to
open my eyes. And I'll pick up where I left off. My buddy
was telling me about this information on the Internet that
he had seen. And I wasn't willing to look at it. Well, about
four or five weeks later, I just said, "You know, the
hell with this. I'm a Scientologist, surely I can evaluate
data. I can look at information, decide if it's true. And
hey, if it's true, it's true! What's the difference? If the
Church is everything it's supposed to be, the truth is going
to come out in the end." So, I started looking at this
information. Now, I didn't tell my wife. I didn't tell Tera
about this. I just began looking at the information and it
directed me to different websites and I began reading the
stories of some of the past Scientologists. Now, some of these
people are just blatant critics who never really did anything
with Scientology, they just don't have anything better to
do than to raise hell at somebody so they do it with the Church.
Maybe it's rightfully so. But there were some genuine stories
of people, just like myself, who had had similar situations
come up in their lives. So, I began to get interested in what
they had to say. And I started looking into the Church and
what the Church was doing. And, at that stage, since it had
been a few years since we were on lines, we began to become
more aware of out points that we had never looked at before.
We began to talk to each other. There was a time in our marriage
when, if my wife had said something to be critical about the
Church, I would have had to have written her up.
Tera: And vice versa.
Ed: And would have! And would have written her up and she
would have written me up!
Tera: (laughs) That's pretty ________________. That's pretty
blind.
Ed: As a matter of fact, you've probably written me up before,
didn't you, once or twice?
Tera: Yeah, I did. (laughs)
Ed: Yeah. So, you know, that's how loyal we were. But we
had gotten to the point where we said, "You know, there's
something not quite right. We're just going to weigh it out
and let it kind of clear. Let the air clear and then we'll
go back."
Tera: Keep a low profile.
Ed: Keep a low profile. Don't make any waves.
Tera: It was noisy. People were actually declared suppressive
Ed: For being in the multilevel thing.
Tera: Because they were in this, yeah.
Ed: But anyway, I started looking on the Internet and I found
information that opened my eyes. And what really got me
and
totally changed my mind was when I saw that the current management
of the Church is altering the technology. They actually have
altered books. I didn't believe this at first so I went and
grabbed some of my books and I had some of the little
remember
the little, thin green books?
Tera: The little old ones.
Ed: Yeah, the old ones. I took those
Tera: When LRH was still on lines.
Ed:
when LRH was still alive. And I took those books
and I started to compare them with the new books. Now, you
might say, "Well, yeah, but they found other information."
And maybe they did but they would actually change the words
in the sentences. And as I was looking at that, I took one
of the books, I think, it was "New Slant on Life,"
and I opened it up and within about five minutes, I found
three or four alterations. And that's when I confronted Tera.
I said, "Tera, you know, I know you don't want to look
at this but you've got to see what I've just found."
And when I showed her that, I think it took you all of five
minutes to say, "What?! We're done!"
Tera: Yeah, that was it.
Ed: That was it.
Tera: I mean, to me, that was the ultimate. That is the ultimate
overt. You know, when you're alternating the technology. And
not only that, there was alterations constantly on capitalization
and commas, and to put the stresses in the wrong words.
Ed: Yeah, that could be almost rationalized.
Tera: But that's just it. Is that, with the Church, the one
thing you really learn and you really get is you don't get
reasonable on anything especially KSW - Keeping Scientology
Working, which is, don't alter tech at all!
Ed: Right. But it wasn't just commas, but we're talking about
actual
Tera: This is words!
Ed:
words!
Tera: Phrases!
Ed:
Phrases!
Tera: Deleted data. Lots of deleted data! So, it's hard to
miss when you've got omitted lines, omitted paragraphs, omitted
pages!!
Ed: Omitted information off of tapes, like the study tapes.
Tera: Yeah. Altered! Grossly altered!
Ed: I've got the old study tapes that LRH did and I've got
the new study tapes that are missing a lot of the old study
tape information.
Tera: Including a whole tape!
Ed: And this is all verifiable, folks. I mean
Tera: The student hat!
Ed: You know, if you want to get this information, just e-mail
me.
Tera: This isn't something that we're just being, giving
you generalities on. This is something that you could easily
just prove to yourself by looking at the data and just seeing
it for yourself. That is what did it for me because if he
would have had me hear him or read somebody else's viewpoint
or information, I would have kept my eyes shut. And I would
have, like, we probably would have been divorced by now.
Ed: Yeah, because basically the Church policy is you have
to disconnect from suppressive people. And I was going in
the direction of being that way. You know, and then after
we had made the decision that, you know what, this stuff isn't
working for us. There's something wrong with this Church.
It's not
I mean, there is a problem here. After we made
the decision that we're just going to, like, disconnect
We had some friends who we had known for years who were loyal
Scientologists who went all the way up through OT7. And what
they did-as a matter of fact, one of them went on to OT8-they
started to challenge the OT7 six month check because they
found policy that was specifically about the six month check.
They challenged it.
Tera: It's a technical bulletin.
Ed: And it's a technical bulletin that they were using. And
they found that that bulletin had been altered and so they
began pushing on this line and shortly thereafter became declared.
The last conversation I had with a reg (Registrar) at Flag
on the phone was that, "Hey, I have some friends who
got all the way up to OT7 and then they became suppressive.
You tell me what's right about that. If the tech really works
if
you're really making OT's
how the hell does somebody
go all the way up the bridge, contribute all kinds of money
to causes and pay for all of that and then become suppressive?"
Tera: Or become deathly ill?
Ed: Which, we have a friend
Tera: We have a friend who just looks like he's on his last
leg
Ed:
who is
he's gaunt!
Tera:
like, death row!
Ed: Yeah. He is just emaciated. And he's on OT7! And you
know, you've got to look at that. And we finally just went,
"You know, there's just something wrong here. Something
badly wrong." Our lives after going to Flag and doing
the super powerful L Rundowns, became a complete financial
disaster! And you know, I'm through with looking at myself
and going, you know, "Maybe it's just me." You know,
I'm okay. My wife's okay. You know what we found and we learned
through this disaster and this calamity? We found out who
our real friends were. We found out the people who mattered
to us were the people who would stand by us no matter what
happened! And we learned who those people were. And yeah,
there were one or two of our friends who were Scientologists
who are still our friends. But by and large, the people who
called themselves our friends won't speak to us now-won't
call us. They avoid us, they are disconnecting. When this
comes out, I'm sure they're going to hear all kinds of things
about us.
Tera: (laughs) We're going to be popular.
Ed: Well, we know about the Church's policy on, you know,
fair game. I'm sure we're going to become fair game. Our attorney
is going to have a copy of this date and the date that we
made it so that, you know, we can defend ourselves against
slander and liable. But that's the way the Church operates.
They will try to defamate us. They will try to create problems
in our lives, I'm sure. And we understand that. Believe me,
we have nothing to lose. I live in my parents' basement.
Tera: We have absolutely nothing to lose! (laughs)
Ed: I mean, what are you going to do, make my landlord kick
me out? No, my mommy won't kick me out of her house. She had
a hard time understanding why I'm still there four or five
years later! But she's not going to kick me out of her house.
So we've got nothing to lose.
Tera: No, I'll tell you what is ironic about all of this
is one piece of tech of the Church is Potential Trouble Sources
and suppressiveness. And the tech that you learn about is
that when you are connected to suppression, you start to have
all kinds of problems in life. And so, it's ironic that the
tech comes from the very Church- that was altered by the way-that
we became Potential Trouble with the connection because our
lives literally started to go into trouble and ended.
Ed: Yeah, the more connected we
Tera: The more connected we were
Ed: with Flag
Tera: The more connected we were, the harder and the worse
our lives became! And the harder we kept a veneer on that
things were going well and that we were successful because
we were trying to portray the successful image of a Scientologist.
Ed: Right. And we were
Tera: When we weren't!
Ed: We were having to keep that image up because we didn't
want to
you know, I actually wrote a letter-I still have
a copy of it-that I wrote to my auditor and had her route
to the CS (case supervisor) that said, you know, "I don't
want to have the image of being a Scientologist. I don't want
to start a mission. I don't want to disseminate until I can
get my life together! Because right now, I don't feel like
I'm being what a Scientologist should be in terms of what
I have and what I can do in life and what I can effect."
But when we disconnected from the Church, when we said, "That's
it, no more," our lives began to change in a very positive
direction.
Tera: Drastically!
Ed: I was happier. I became less stressed. My business began
to expand. Opportunities began to show up. Income started
to increase. Bills began to be paid off. And we've got money
now in the bank! We're going to be building a home. And, you
know, that's great! So, what does that tell you? I mean, what
does that tell me? Should I go back to the Church of Scientology?
I don't think so! I'll tell you what was the thing that sold
me on leaving. And at this point, all I can say is that, you
know, we've spoken long enough. We've really told our story,
(to Tera) wouldn't you agree?
Tera: In a nutshell.
Ed: We didn't give you all the gory details but I think you
get the idea. L 11, L 12, Life changing? I would have to say
no doubt about that. Life changing but not in the direction
that I would want to go. You know, if it hadn't changed my
life at all, I would just feel a little bit jilted, you know?
That I paid $50,000 for nothing! Actually what I bought with
that $50,000 was a complete disaster in my life that, you
know, I'm just thankful that I have a wife who is understanding,
children who, you know
Tera: Three.
Ed: That are young enough that they don't really get all
that's happened to us. We've made it the best for them. But
my parents, who have been extremely patient with us and they
don't even know this story. I mean, we've just been too ashamed
to really admit that we were so duped! (laughs)
Tera: That we've been duped big time! We were blind!
Ed: That we were such suckers for this whole game! So, all
I can tell you is that if you want to contact us, we will
be glad to talk to you. And we're not going to charge you
any money.
Tera: (laughs) It's for free.
Ed: All we want to do is just set things straight, you know.
Tera: There will be no reg cycles!
Ed: Yeah. We're not going to reg you. We're not going to
convince you that you need to do what we did but I'd be glad
to share with you where we found our information. And you
can evaluate it for yourself. I would love to still have friends
who are in the search. There were some nice people I met who
I feel like are genuine. They didn't have any furniture but
they were genuine people, you know? (laughs) They drove 20
year old cars
Tera: And there were some great staff members. Great staff
members.
Ed:
couldn't hardly keep gas in them.
Tera: Poor as can be but great people.
Ed: Yeah, wonderful people. If they were one of my neighbors,
I'm sure I'd loan them a cup of sugar. But the thing you've
got to realize is that these people are
they don't have
stats in their own life! They are wiped. And, you know, maybe
there's some virtue in that but that's not why I got into
it. I got into it to become more successful. I spent a lot
of money and a lot of time to try to achieve that goal and
what I wound up with was an empty shell in my own life and
the life of my family. And it's taken us a good five years
to get things back. It's actually now been since 1994, it's
2001, it's been seven years now that it's taken us to actually
begin to the recovery process.
Tera: We've actually just reached a new foundation. We were
below foundation. We were still six feet under
Ed: Right. And then
Tera:
for those five years and we are just now on the
surface building a foundation. We're just now at that point
which we can now breathe.
Ed: Right.
Tera: And it feels good. The stress is gone. We're enjoying
life. It's a lot more fun.
Ed: Yeah. We have just now begun to achieve some goals. We've
taken some vacations with our children. We've paid off some
of our bills.
Tera: Yeah. For the first time.
Ed: We still have many tens of thousands of dollars in debt
that we borrowed against Scientology and we're hoping that
this year we'll be able to pay all of those debts off and
finally put this whole thing behind us. We're making this
video primarily as just a way of cleaning the slate for us.
We've really waited a long time to tell our story. And the
story we had really planned on telling was still going to
be a little bit of a fabrication. I mean, we were going to
tell people how we lost money through bad investments. But,
you know what? We're just going to tell the truth. We invested
in an idea. We invested in this whole self improvement cult
and that's what caused our lives to be what they became during
these past seven years. A financial calamity! I remember my
accountant just being in shock over the amounts of money I
was giving to this Church. And you know, I look back at that
and I think, you know, "Boy, you know, he must have really
had to have toned it down to have even talked to me."
My parents, they were in utter shock! They couldn't understand
why, what are you doing? What's the problem? One of my brothers
once told me, "Whatever you need," you know, "if
you need to get out of this thing, I can get friends and we
can help you to leave this thing." They were genuinely
concerned! I was oblivious! I should have listened to them.
And, in retrospect, I probably should have done a lot of things
differently. But here we are. We're done. Feel free to contact
us - again, my e-mail address. If you have got criticisms,
fine. You know? I'm fine with that.
Tera: And if you need to send a declaration of suppression,
this is where you can send it.
Ed: You can just forward our SP declare there and it will
be okay.
Tera: I'm sure it's framed! (laughs)
Ed: You know, we're going to frame it. It's alright. I know
our eternity is
Tera: We're going to be proud of that one! (laughs)
Ed: Our eternity is done. And if you talk to us
I know
some of you won't be able to
hold onto this video and,
you know, don't watch it for five years and then watch it
again. And maybe then, you will have the realizations that
hey,
you know, maybe they were right. We don't say Scientology
doesn't help some people. Obviously, it does help some people.
It's just that it does hurt people too. And it certainly has
been that for us. So, I think we're all done with this video.
Tera: Yeah.
Ed: Okay. Have a great life.
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