My
Perspective on Auditing
By Stacy Brooks
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We get
calls nearly every day here at the LMT from people who are
having doubts about whether or not they should continue to
be a Scientologist. Without question, the subject they
ask me about most often is the tech of auditing. What do I
think about the Tech? Do I think it works?
When anyone calls me for advice about whether auditing is
beneficial or harmful, I always preface my response by saying
that there have never been any clinical studies done to determine
the effects of auditing. I have my opinions, but my opinions
are based purely on my own experience and nothing else. Certainly
they are not based on any scientific evidence, because there
isn't any. Hubbard never did any scientific testing,
and no one else ever has either. The only available information
is purely anecdotal. Ten Scientologists could write about
their experiences in auditing and they would all have totally
different perspectives, I am sure.
What I have to say here is my opinion.
Since I left Scientology I have had a chance to learn more
about the various schools of therapy that have been developed.
Now I understand that Hubbard borrowed from a number of different
schools when he put together the lower levels of auditing.
Dianetics and the Grades are basically a simple form of regression
therapy. The theory of regression therapy is that by going
back and revisiting moments of trauma, one can resolve confusions
that were created by the trauma and thereby free up more of
one's mind for creative endeavors.
My view is that not everyone in the world needs therapy, and
that of those who feel they do, different kinds of therapy
work for different people. Some can benefit from simple regression;
others may need medication, and still others may find that
transactional analysis, or perhaps Jungian analysis, or perhaps
something else helps them. I do not believe that any one form
of therapy will work on everyone.
I think Scientology does many people a great disservice by
insisting that "the Tech" works on everyone in exactly
the same way and that if they are not having gains it means
there is something wrong with them. I don't think that's
true. Some people say they have made gains from their
Dianetics or Grades auditing, and I won't dispute that. But
many others have told me it didn't work for them. I don't
dispute that either.
Auditing, at the lower levels where it is simple regression
therapy such as Life Repair, Self-Analysis Lists or Grades,
may be beneficial for some people. Scientology auditors
have no formal education to prepare them as therapists - even
the highest trained auditor studies nothing but L. Ron Hubbard's
writings and is forbidden to study anything else. But
even so, perhaps it can be beneficial, just as Transactional
analysis or Jungian psychotherapy can be beneficial for some
people. Conversely, if a person gets involved in a form of
therapy that is not right for them, it won't help them and
may even make them worse.
In the lower levels of auditing, an auditor guides the preclear,
using an E-meter, to areas of trauma or difficulty. By talking
about these personal difficulties, some people feel some relief
from painful memories. The preclear's personal reality
is important in this auditing. Whatever is true for the preclear
is what is addressed.
This is what attracts many people to Scientology. They hear
auditing is a form of therapy that is tailor-made for each
individual's particular problems, or "case," as
they call it in Scientology. This is a very important aspect
of the initial attraction. Many people are thrilled at the
idea that such a thing exists.
As I said, some people say they have made gains from their
Dianetics or Grades auditing, and I won't dispute that. However,
there is at least one major aspect of the lower level auditing
that concerns me.
What happens in an auditing session is that the auditor asks
the preclear, or pc, to locate a moment of trauma in his or
her life. The pc is indoctrinated to believe that similar
traumatic or painful experiences (such as all the times when
you hurt your knee, or all the times when you missed your
mother) are linked in the mind. If the pc tells the auditor
about a certain moment of trauma and there is nothing earlier
holding it in place, then once the pc has revisited that moment,
the upset connected with that moment will vanish. But if there
are earlier similar moments of trauma, it will be necessary
for the pc to revisit those earlier moments before the trauma
connected with that particular "chain" will vanish.
The auditor decides whether or not there are earlier similar
experiences by the behavior of the needle on the E-meter.
If it is free-floating, the chain is finished. If not, there
is something earlier.
Now let's see how this plays out in an auditing session.
Your auditor asks you to recall a time when you lost a friend.
You tell him in as much detail as possible about a time when
your best friend moved to another state. The auditor thanks
you, and then asks you for an earlier similar time when you
lost a friend. From this you know that the auditor did not
see a free-floating needle and therefore knows you still have
earlier traumas connected with this question. Believing that
this is the way the mind works, you dutifully search your
memory for an earlier time when you lost a friend. You
remember a time when you were six and you and your neighbor
had to start school at different schools. You remember crying
and begging your mother to let you go to the same school as
Sally. You hadn't remembered that in a long time. You hadn't
realized you still had so much trauma connected with Sally.
You think you're finished with that chain of traumas. But
your auditor asks you again for an earlier similar incident.
You can't remember anything earlier than that and you tell
your auditor so. Your auditor is very understanding and tells
you to let him know whatever comes into your mind. You want
to do what your auditor says because you trust him, so you
try to remember another similar experience. You close your
eyes and let your mind float a little bit.
You see a picture in your mind of someone lying on the ground.
Your auditor says, "What's that?" Then you know
that there is some validity to the picture you just saw, because
the auditor saw a response on the E-meter. Now you look
more closely at this picture. You start to add details to
the picture you saw. The auditor asks you when this experience
happened. The year 1864 comes into your mind. You say this
to your auditor. He acknowledges you and helps you fill
in more details of what is happening.
Soon you can describe a full-blown scenario to your auditor.
You are on a battlefield with lots of other soldiers. You
are looking down at a young man in a blue uniform with blood
all over his chest. You kneel down and cradle his head while
he dies. "I'll miss you," he says, and you start
to cry as he dies in your arms.
Oh! You tell your auditor tearfully, now you understand why
losing friends has always been such a terrible thing for you.
Your auditor smiles at you approvingly and tells you that
your needle is floating.
In Scientology they call this "going whole track."
The Whole Track is a reference to the entire history of the
universe that goes back millions and millions of years.
In auditing, the preclear is utterly dependent upon the auditor
to confirm that these incidents are real. It all depends on
what the E-meter is doing. If the meter says the incident
is real, then it is. Gradually it becomes easier and easier
for the preclear to believe that these past life incidents
really happened. The preclear's boundaries gradually fall
away completely, until there is no limit at all on what might
have happened. It doesn't matter, after all. No matter what
the preclear says, the auditor always smiles and says his
needle is floating.
Now you have had hundreds of hours of Dianetics and Grade
auditing. Your idea of what is real has completely changed.
You know you are different from other people, because now
you know that you have lived for millions of years. You know
it is true because you've relived so many experiences in your
auditing. You feel set apart from other people who have not
yet discovered the truth. You want your family to experience
the truth too, but you can't tell them. They wouldn't
believe you. They have to experience it for themselves. You're
spending your time with other Scientologists now, because
it's uncomfortable to be around non-Scientologists. They don't
understand. Scientologists are the only ones who know what
reality really is.
Now when your auditor asks you for an earlier similar incident,
you don't have to be coaxed into finding a picture. You know
what to do. Now, as soon as the auditor asks the question,
a picture appears. There is no longer any difference in your
mind between something that happened yesterday, and something
that happened 300 years ago, or 25,000 years ago, or a million
years
ago.
All Scientologists believe that these incidents they find
in their auditing really happened to them. They believe that
they have memories going back thousands of years, millions
of years, even billions of years. This is encouraged by the
auditing process, in which the preclear is repeatedly told,
"What is true for you is true for you." In practice,
this means that the auditor validates as real anything the
preclear comes up with in session, no matter how far-fetched
it may be.
Moreover, the preclear is not allowed to discuss all of this
with anyone but his auditor. Husbands and wives are not permitted
to talk about what happens in their auditing sessions. Friends
are required to report on each other if someone talks about
an incident from their auditing. So the preclear is left without
any way of keeping himself anchored in the real world. There
is no way to verify whether or not something is true or imaginary.
Preclears who do not give their auditors incidents prior to
this lifetime are required to undergo a Whole Track Remedy
before they are allowed to go onto their upper levels. So
this belief in a personal history stretching back millions
of years is a required part of the preclear's reality in order
to progress up the Bridge to Total Freedom.
In my opinion, this insistence on letting go of any boundaries
for what is true and what is imaginary, and the requirement
that one is not allowed to compare notes with anyone else
about what is coming up in the auditing sessions, is all part
of a gradual indoctrination that prepares people for what
they will be required to accept as reality on the upper levels.
Let me recount my own experience. On my lower level auditing
I had found earlier similar incidents that seemed to be past
life experiences. I wasn't sure if they were real or imaginary,
and there was no way for me to find out. Certainly I
couldn't ask my auditor, because if I told my auditor that
these incidents didn't seem real to me, I would be sent back
to do even more of this kind of auditing and that was the
last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to keep going up
the Bridge to Total Freedom until I got to some part of it
that made sense to me.
I did my auditing back in the old days - in the mid-1970s
- when people were still required to do a step called R6-EW
and the Clearing Course in order to go Clear before moving
on to the OT levels. Instead of making more sense, these upper
levels were even more confusing than the lower ones. At least
on the earlier levels I was told that the auditing had something
to do with experiences that were personal to me. Starting
with R6-EW and continuing on the Clearing Course, I was given
lengthy instructions about what I was supposed to audit. No
longer was I addressing my own reality. Now I was told that
everyone had been given identical horrific implants that I
would be auditing out from now on. It had nothing to do with
me any more.
I stumbled my way through the end words of R6-EW and the bizarre
"implant sequences" of the Clearing Course. Somehow
I managed to tell the examiner after one of my solo sessions
that it seemed like I was mocking the whole thing up. What
I meant was that none of what I was auditing seemed in any
way real to me, and I didn't think the E-meter was really
reading on anything but my imagination. But soon I was called
to attest to the State of Clear, and I discovered I had voiced
the "Clear Cognition." That was it? I thought to
myself, although of course I didn't say that to anyone. Here
I was at this tremendous milestone in my life, attesting to
the State of Clear, and I felt exactly the same as I had before
- except a bit more confused.
I did what many of the people I have spoken to also did. I
went along with what was happening because I didn't want anyone
to know it wasn't making sense to me. Shouldn't I feel elated,
exhilarated, different somehow? But I didn't. I resolved
to continue on to the next levels. Maybe if I just kept going
it would start to make sense.
But OT 2 was an even more bizarre assortment of implant sequences,
punctuated with moments during which bright lights were supposed
to have been part of the implant and I was supposed to contact
my memory of these lights until I got a big meter read.
Anyone who is familiar with False Memory Syndrome may be feeling
by now that auditing is a classic example of it. That is certainly
how I feel about it now. I think all of this telling me what
happened to me millions of years ago and then getting me to
"remember" these things until I "confirmed"
it by the E-meter is nothing more than coercing me into creating
memories to further someone else's agenda.
The only way I could get the meter to read was to heave a
big sigh, which is what I did every time I thought about these
lights. That way I could report that I was getting a meter
read. It was the best I could do. None of it had anything
to do with me whatsoever. That was how I felt.
But I thought the best thing to do was keep quiet and get
to OT 3, the famous Wall of Fire. There the secrets of the
Universe would be revealed to me, and all of this lower level
stuff would fade into insignificance.
When I finally was admitted to the OT 3 course room I thought
to myself, "Finally! Now it will finally all make sense
to me!"
Oh, how wrong I was.
Reverently, I took the dog-eared legal-sized file folder from
the course supervisor. Struggling to contain my excitement,
I opened the pack and read LRH's handwritten explanation of
the history of the universe. This is what I discovered:
Xenu, the head of the Galactic Federation, which consisted
of seventy-six planets, had a terrible overpopulation problem
- up to 250 billion people per planet. He decided to solve
it by mass implanting. So he rounded everybody up and shipped
them to this planet, which was known at that time as Teegeeack
(pronounced T-G-ack). He blew everybody up by dropping H-bombs
into volcanoes. Then he had all the people who had been
blown up in the Pacific area taken in boxes to Hawaii, and
all the people who had been blown up in the Atlantic area
taken in boxes to Las Palmas. Then everyone was subjected
to several weeks of implanting, during which all these disembodied
creatures were implanted with everything we currently think
of as reality. The implant was designed to kill anyone who
tried to solve it. Only through LRH's courageous technical
development was it now possible to overcome it.
Now I learned the terrible truth: my body was a mass of individual
disembodied space creatures, or body thetans, as they are
called in Scientology, stuck to me. I would have to audit
each one of these body thetans and get them to leave. It was
going to take a long time, but there it was. Hubbard said,
basically, that it was a good thing someone had finally had
the courage to chart this dangerous path for everyone else.
It was a heroic thing he had done for all of us.
I sat there for a long time after I read this startling revelation.
It was a profound turning point for me. I will describe what
went on in my mind as well as I possibly can. Here I had finally
made it to the Wall of Fire, I had just been given the Secrets
of the Universe. This was Reality! I distinctly remember feeling
like I was in a state of suspended animation; as if I were
watching myself to see how I was going to react to this news.
I almost let the thought form: "You've got to be kidding!"
But I caught it just in time and squelched it. I did allow
myself to think that I didn't understand what he was talking
about. But having already installed L. Ron Hubbard in my mind
as the unerring dispenser of Truth, there was no way for me
to reject the information. I remember feeling completely numb
and making sure to arrange my expression so that the course
supervisor would not realize how stunned I was.
Mercifully, it was soon time for dinner. I remember walking
toward the galley (the dining room), which was in the basement
of what is now Celebrity Centre in Los Angeles, trying to
digest what I had just learned. As I walked over a small bridge
I suddenly stopped dead in my tracks, frozen by the thought
that I was crawling with millions of disembodied creatures.
I had to restrain the urge to wipe my hands over my whole
body to get them off!
That was in 1976. From then on until I left Scientology in
1989, auditing was completely and utterly about getting rid
of as many of these BTs as possible. No one ever mentioned
my own problems again, unless it was to security check me
to find out my crimes. But as far as any kind of therapy for
me, psychologically or emotionally, that was over. Now I was
supposed to be above all of that. That was all for the uninitiated.
I had no case; I was Clear. Emotions and problems were for
people who were still encumbered with such degraded human
issues. If I had any problems or difficulties of any kind,
there were only two possible reasons. Either my ethics were
out and I had hidden crimes, or I had BTs who had waked up
and were enveloping me in their degraded emotions, and they
needed to be audited out. I couldn't have any problems or
difficulties myself, remember - I was Clear. I effectively
ceased to exist as myself. I was nothing more than a mass
of BTs.
Solo auditing was always bizarre for me. Sitting in the room
all alone, holding both cans in one hand, watching the E-meter
dial for a read that would tell me where my next BT was -
I only got a few reads during my OT 3 auditing. You
get to attest to OT 3 Completion when you can't find any more
BTs. Well, I attested very quickly, glad to be done with this
strange auditing level. I was ready to move on to something
else.
To my great dismay, I discovered that the rest of the Bridge
to Total Freedom was all about BTs, BTs, and more BTs.
OT 4 is the OT Drug Rundown, during which you locate BTs who
have been affected by drugs. You have to get each BT to zero
in on the particular drugs that caused the problem and audit
those drugs out until the BT can blow.
On each of these levels you are assured that you have gotten
rid of all your BTs. You attest to being free of all BTs and
you are really happy to have rid yourself of all the little
parasitic creatures. Then you route onto your next level and
you are told, "Actually you do have more BTs. We just
didn't want to tell you until you were ready to hear it."
The day before you were perfectly certain that you were free
of the little disembodied thetans. Now you suddenly discover
that in fact you have millions more; you just weren't aware
enough to perceive them until now.
OT 5 is Audited New Era Dianetics for OTs, or Audited NOTs
for short. On NOTs you learn that everything is made up of
BTs. EVERYTHING. Your toes, your thoughts, your love for your
daughter, the moon, your fork, your shoes, your teeth, your
bones, your molecules - literally everything - is made up
of BTs.
You have an auditor with you for Audited NOTs. Your auditor
tells you to locate another BT and ask it, "What are
you?" You do this silently, and the BT then answers your
question, silently, of course. As I said before, it can answer
literally anything. It might say, "your third fingernail
on your left hand," or it might say, "your refrigerator,"
"the light bulb," "the anger you're feeling
toward your mother," anything. The rug, the window pane,
the North Star, a Kleenex. Remember, what's true for the preclear,
or pc, is what is true, and now the pc is the BT. You never
invalidate the pc.
You get the BT to keep answering the question, "What
are you?" until the auditor can tell by meter read that
the BT has given you the right answer. Then you are
told to ask the BT another question, "Who are you?"
When the BT answers, "I'm me!" it causes the needle
on the E-meter to fall dramatically and the BT blows.
Again, you audit OT 5 until you can't find any more BTs. You
attest to having no more BTs, and then you go onto Solo NOTs.
First you do OT 6, which is the Solo NOTs Auditing Course.
On it, you learn how to audit your own BTs on the NOTs processes.
Then you begin OT 7, Audited NOTs. On this level you sit in
an auditing room all alone, holding both cans in one hand,
locating BTs by meter read, and auditing your BTs on the NOTs
commands, "What are you?" and "Who are you?"
just as I described above, until they blow. The way you know
when a BT has blown, by the way, is that your needle starts
to float on the dial, signifying that there is nothing there
any more. You will continue to find BTs and audit them until
your body begins to look translucent, signifying that all
of your BTs are gone.
By now you know that the entire physical universe is composed
of BTs. You know that the reason it is so important to get
everyone on the planet into Scientology and on the Bridge
to Total Freedom is that it will take every single person
auditing all day long, every day, for many, many years, to
audit out all the body thetans that compose the physical universe.
You now share the most important secret of all, because only
now that you are on OT 7 do you know that the true goal of
Scientology is to make the physical universe
disappear.
And that is why nothing can stand in the way of Scientology's
forward expansion. That is why anyone who tries to stop Scientology
must be ruthlessly moved out of the way. Truly, it is a matter
of the greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics!
How can we be concerned about the fate of one individual critic,
or one individual Suppressive Person, when the fate of the
entire Universe is at stake?
Now when you read Keeping Scientology Working you truly understand
what LRH meant when he said: "The whole agonized future
of this planet, every man, woman and child on it, and your
own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depend
on what you do here and now with and in Scientology."
Now it is perfectly clear to you why LRH set up the Guardian's
Office, now known as the Office of Special Affairs, and said
"The goal of the Department is to bring the government
and hostile philosophies or societies into a state of complete
compliance with the goals of Scientology. This is done by
high level ability to control and in its absence by low level
ability to overwhelm. Introvert such agencies. Control such
agencies. Scientology is the only game on Earth where everybody
wins. There is no overt [meaning crime] in bringing good order."
This is what goes on in the mind of a high-level Scientologist.
Many people have been auditing on OT 7, alone in a room for
hours every day, auditing out their BTs, for as long as fifteen
years. It is impossible to imagine what this can do to someone's
state of mind. Indeed, it is my belief that this auditing
of thousands upon thousands of imagined disembodied creatures,
this picking apart of the very fabric of one's reality as
I described above, can bring about a state of such acute dissociation
that it can induce a kind of psychosis of irresponsibility.
I have never experienced anything like the ruthlessness of
Scientology since they have labeled me and the people I work
with Enemies of Scientology. We are now targets of their Fair
Game policies, which instruct them in how to go about destroying
our reputations, our sanity, and our lives. It is like being
pursued by the Terminator. These people will never stop their
attempts to destroy us.
But it begins to make sense to me when I realize that through
the process of auditing as I have described, these people
have been stripped of all sense of themselves; they have lost
all sense of responsibility - indeed, all contact with their
own emotions, their own thoughts, even their own hopes and
aspirations. They have become addicted to the irresponsibility
that comes with living a fantasy. They have truly come to
believe in a bizarre future, in which the ultimate goal is
a Scientology world, a world in which everyone who disagrees
with Scientology will be done away with, quietly and without
sorrow.
This is not a world in which I want to live.
More
Essays from Stacy Brooks
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